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July 28 MisrepresentationToday, while I was showering, I had a shock, Having soap in my eyes, I reached up for the shower gel, plastered it under my armpits without looking, then rinsed my face off under the water. When I glanced down, I had the shock of my life - there was blood pouring down my chest in streams!
Just as I was about to run screaming into the street, I spotted the shower gel, which was new. It was a deep red colour, and it was this, slapped on too generously, that looked so exactly like blood. I wondered who had thought it a good idea to come up with a product that makes its users feel that they're starring in a horror movie? You know - crazed serial killer replaces loufah with carefully concealed buzz saw so that victims slash themselves to pieces in the shower (also allowing him and the cinema audience to ogle copious amounts of naked flesh).
Further examination showed a definite case of misrepsesentation on the back of the bottle: This product, it annouced -
'Excites your body! Arouses your senses! Gets you going.....'
'Oh yeah? Well, it had aroused my senses for the brief time I thought I must be bleeding to death, sure, but as for the other, not a sign of any of the promised benefits. I'm seriously considering sueing them!
It did make me think though - what if we were bottles? What would you write on the back of yourself? What would other people?
This came to mind especially since the ending of my course last week. I'd had problems with one of the other people on it for the last two years. This guy was convinced that he knew everything; was right about everything; and that it was his duty to demonstrate this to everyone else. The interesting thing was, despite the fact that he'd had open conflict with several people, and this year, an official complaint about his manner, he was unfazed. He was still convinced of his rightness and his role as 'educator of the unenlightened.'
His bottle would probably say: 'Perfect, full of wisdom, so right! Fills your mind with a deep sense of inadequacy!'
whereas, what others wrote would probably not be allowed. In truth, I had come to rather like the old bugger, and we parted with a hug, which not many people get from me. I had accepted him for who he was, all was well.
My own bottle? Hmmm.. It would say something like .... 'Leaves you with a deep sense of disappointment...'
How about yours?
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